National Blog Posting Month – February 2013 – Love
Prompt – How old were you the first time you fell in love?
The first time I fell in love. Ugh. Was it really love? That relationship fell apart, but it did last two years. And we were engaged for much of that…
Anyway, that was back a long time ago. I was 18. I was a freshman in college. You know that age. Back when you knew everything and thought you could handle life as an adult. Dang, I was clueless.
We actually had a decent thing going, but two things conspired against us. Things that I wasn’t aware of until much, much later. One was his inability to commit. There were things going on in the background of his life that made it impossible for him to actually commit to a wedding date, or even admit to his family and friends that we were engaged. Yeah, that’s a problem.
The other thing is my own anxiety. Yeah, I was a postdoc and married before I found out that I have a significant problem with anxiety. Both OCD and social anxiety (and yet I sit here and share my life with you all). Anxiety is still my greatest challenge in all aspects of my life and is often the source of conflict in my marriage (which has lasted nearly 12 years despite me!).
That first love was real ‘love,’ I think. But it was doomed. We both needed to grow (a lot). We really had no idea what life was about. I’m still learning…